


The Lilac Horizon Between a Blue Sky and a Red Earth

by SamtheFan99



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Airbending & Airbenders, Anime, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Firebending & Firebenders, Multi, Romance, Waterbending & Waterbenders, nickelodeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-15 13:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16934223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamtheFan99/pseuds/SamtheFan99
Summary: The Adventures of Fire Lord Zuko six years after the Hundred Year war has ended. Drama ensues. Mistakes are made. People die, and fuck.PSA: This was written years ago, and has gone mostly unedited since then, so I apologize for any and all:-controversial topics or opinions that I don't necessarily believe in anymore-sloppy prose-plot holes and inconsistencies-typos, spelling and grammar mistakes





	1. Recovery

Politics aren't fun, but Zuko doesn't expect them to be fun.  
Thus far he has handled his duty as the Fire Lord with both grace and honor, determined to set a far different example than those who had adopted the throne before him. Often times he will approach his Avatar friend and ask of stories of the former Avatar Roku so that he might run his nation with the same wisdom from which Aang often drew.  
Since the end of the war, nearly six years ago, Fire Lord Zuko has successfully returned Ba Sing Se to the Earth King, Omashu to King Bumi, and Ozai to the Boiling Rock.  
His country loves him, for the most part. Of course there will always be those who want him dead, who believe in the war with their entire being, but their numbers are dwindling. The rest of his people nearly worship him; they drop to their knees when he leaves his palace, they send gifts and tarts, they write letters. He has told them many times that the kneeling and gifts are appreciated, albeit unnecessary. His time with the Avatar has humbled him, and will continue to humble him. Also, the gifts and tarts are immediately sent away to be tested for things like poison and explosives, so Zuko doesn't see much of what's left afterward anyway.  
It is this lavish treatment that has made him come to realize something he had noticed only one other time: the war caused suffering amongst the very people whose leaders believed so fervently in it, whose leaders would have continued to perpetrate it if given the chance. The Fire Nation is seen as the jewel in the crown of the world, teeming with culture, innovation, plentiful resources, and a vast collection of knowledge in all known areas. Yet, despite these things, forgotten people starved to death in the streets of the Fire Nation and were driven away with firebending. Children knocked on doors begging for food or money, carrying stories of their father who had been at war since before they were born. Those who could not afford to survive did not survive, and regretfully, the rest of the nation had adopted the idea that these people did not deserve to survive.  
Zuko reached out to them, knowing what it's like to be burned by the rampant flames of a selfish war. As Aang had once said, "A community cannot be strong without its leaders caring for those that it consists of."  
Zuko is happy.  
His fiancée is not. Ever.  
Zuko surrounds himself with the most knowledgeable advisors in the country. They are responsible for the vast improvement of relations between each nation. They are the reason the remaining air nomads have come out of hiding. They form the second most trusted group of people that Zuko has the pleasure to know.  
Speaking of which, Zuko thinks that it might be a good idea to go visit his favorite monk. Normally Aang is off doing things like peacemaking or charity work in the regions still affected by the aftershocks of the war, but recently he's been visiting the most spiritual places within each nation to meditate on the meaning of life or something like that. Maybe that's too shallow, the meaning of life. Maybe he's contemplating the meaning of meaning.  
So, Zuko begins his walk across the palace and toward the large double doors that seal it. Daylight trickles in from the intricate set of windows that line the walls, sitting high up, just below the ceiling. Zuko had those put in recently. There's no reason why such a huge palace has to be lit entirely by lanterns. Mai had argued that it was his element and that it's better to be surrounded by it than not, but if a firebender draws his energy from the sun, why not invite some in? Since the change, Zuko finds himself more upbeat. Mai dislikes this.  
He's nearly at the double doors when he hears a soft voice from behind him, toneless as usual.  
"Where are you going."  
Zuko turns, tucking his hands into his sleeves. He knows there's no point (or honor) in lying.  
"To visit Aang," he tells her, stiffening slightly. Mai stares through narrowed eyes.  
"Why."  
"He's my friend."  
Mai's arms are at her sides. She is perfectly statuesque in every way: long and slender, with always perfect hair and always perfect posture, her amber eyes ducked behind a curtain of shiny bangs and her thin lips pressed into a tight line that give way to no emotion, ever. The only way Zuko could ever tell how she is feeling is by the position of her eyebrows on her forehead that nobody could see behind her hair.  
"That creepy little monk?"  
"You know, maybe you could refer to the Avatar with a bit more respect."  
"I could, if I had respect for him. But how could I? He has no respect for me."  
"He's a monk, Mai. He has respect for all living things."  
"And I am just so happy to be put on the same plane of respect as that flying lemur."  
Zuko huffs, letting some steam escape his nostrils. He promises himself that he will not firebend in his anger, where it can be helped.  
"He is among the wisest people I know."  
"I know. Some wise guy. Isn't he the one who instructed you to return Ba Sing Se and Omashu to the Earth Kingdom? Two huge assets, and two huge areas of land?"  
"It wasn't our right to take them in the first place."  
"That's what powerful nations do, Zuko. They get more powerful. They grow. But it's obvious that you're not nearly as open to growth as our nation could have been."  
"What does that mean?"  
"Nothing, Zuko. Forget I said anything."  
With that, she turns and glides from the room.


	2. The Shrine

Zuko insists that he walk. The servants who carry the palanquin are among the most persistent he has ever seen, yet with a graceful gesture, he turns down the ride. It is Spring and he is enjoying the sun.  
It is never quite peaceful to cross through any public place, seeing how easily recognizable he is. Before he wore the crown, and before he dressed so extravagantly, he had only the scar, which has become the mark of current royalty, a sign of new beginnings. Zuko almost can't believe that his scar used to be a mark of shame. Now it is the trademark that he wears proudly, it is a symbol of the new Fire Nation, one not so infatuated with power and war. It is there to remind him and his people of their violent past. Zuko hopes they will never forget.  
Thankfully the shrine is within a mile of the palace. Zuko insisted it be close for days like these, when his friend was visiting. The whole way to the shrine his guards shadow him from a few feet back, doing their best to deter the people who wanted to touch him. Everybody always wants to touch him and he doesn't understand why. As far a Zuko's knowledge goes, no other Fire Lord has ever faced this same problem. War, death, plague, famine, and rebellion? Sure, plenty of times. But excessive grabbing?  
Zuko hears high pitched giggling from behind him. Turning, he spots a toddler weaving between the guards' legs, easily infiltrating their barricade. One of the men in armor goes to grab the child, but Zuko holds out a hand. The man halts, letting the girl slip free of his hold so she can toddle closer to the Fire Lord and grab with both hands onto his robes. He stoops and picks her up. With innocent amusement she pokes first at his shoulder spikes, then, very gently, at his scar. Suddenly, a panicked face appears in the crowd, a man of about twenty. He makes eye contact with Zuko, then trails his vision down to the child in his arms. The man breaths a visible sigh of relief.  
Kneeling, Fire Lord Zuko sets the girl down on both feet and she waddles off toward the man, who looks sheepishly apologetic as well as grateful. The crowd that surrounds Zuko is watching his every move, and as soon as he kneels down, so do his people. So, out of respect, he stands, bows to the people on either side of him, and continues his walk.  
The shrine, as requested, is not awe-inspiring. It is made of simple materials, based off of Air Nomad architecture, and stocked with artifacts collected from each respective Air Temple, with permission from the Air Nomads who have recently returned to their homes.  
Zuko instructs his guards and his admirers to stay behind the gates of the shrine, so as not to disrupt the peace. He admires the serenity of the scenery: the plant life, the running water, the various rodents who have taken a home in this place. Zuko smiles a bit and crosses the stone bridge over the small pond, teeming with water lilies and koi fish. He steps into the small structure and inhales the smell of still air.  
It's small; a single room with a bamboo mat in the corner, across from a low table with a single pair of chopsticks sitting solitary on top. There is a wooden shelf displaying an array of artifacts, many of which Zuko cannot identify. He often wishes he understood the other nations as well as Aang does, or as well as his uncle does.  
He crosses the stone floor and pokes his head into the small courtyard out back, where he finds his friend sitting completely still, his legs crossed, his hands together.  
Zuko hesitates; maybe he shouldn't disrupt Aang when he's meditating. Maybe he's in the middle of some very important discovery about-  
"ZUKO!"  
In a half of a second, Aang has lifted himself from his meditative stance and attached himself to Zuko's torso, in a long overdue hug from one friend to another.  
Aang has grown far too much to hang on him like this. He's significantly bigger than he was when they first met. Already they are the same height.  
As Aang hangs there, Zuko feels something lower onto his head. A striped tail brushes against his nose.  
Aang gets both feet under him and removes his pet from his perch atop the Fire Lord. The two men giggle between themselves.  
"How have you been, Avatar?"  
"Great!" he says, setting Momo on his shoulder. "Creating peace, helping the needy, Avatar stuff. How have you been, Fire Lord Zuko?"  
"You know, rebuilding cities, reforming government, arguing with Mai. Fire Lord Stuff."  
He cocks an eyebrow. "Why arguing?"  
Zuko sighs. "She's just so...anti-me. She doesn't agree with or support anything I do."  
"Have you tried coming to an agreement with her before making a decision?"  
Zuko shakes his head, frustrated. "You don't understand."  
Aang sits, crossing his legs.  
"Then help me understand."  
Zuko sits with him.  
"I need to make the best possible decision based on what my country needs, and what my country expects of me. Not everything revolves around whether or not she likes my choice."  
"Well, you're going to marry her, aren't you?"  
Zuko nods, tucking his hands into his sleeves.  
"Then you need to ask if she's willing to see it from your point of view, as the Fire Lord."  
"How can I be able to expect her to do that? She's never been the Fire Lord."  
"There is always a way to create peace between people if those people are willing to negotiate," he says, a little too matter-of-factly, placing a sincere palm on Zuko's shoulder.  
"That's the thing! She's still angry that you and I decided to return Omashu and Ba Sing Se. Her father hates me unrelentingly, and I think he's still loyal to Ozai. I think he is swaying her feelings."  
"Hm," Aang ponders, scratching his chin. "This seems like something you might want to talk to Katara about. She knows about girls and politics. Quite a bit more than me, actually."  
"Oh, yeah. Where is Katara?"  
Aang shrugs. "She should be back by now."  
The two men hear laughter. Aang flutters from the ground and goes to greet the newcomers.  
Zuko is surprised to see that his uncle has accompanied Katara to wherever it was she went, presumably the market, considering the groceries in her hands. Aang kisses her on the cheek and takes the basket from her.  
"Nephew!" His uncle is happy to see him. The two embrace.  
"Uncle," Zuko greets him with a smile. "How have you been?"  
"Business has been slow today, and Katara stopped in for some of my green tea leaves, so I decided to walk her home."  
Zuko's lips turn up a bit at the corner. He loves the way his uncle speaks: deliberately, with purpose, but always with compassion. He hopes one day that he will one day be as wise and as kind as his uncle has always been.  
Zuko turns to the other newcomer, bowing low to her.  
"Hello, Katara."  
She gives him a playful shove and he nearly loses his balance.  
"What is this, a battle? Come here."  
She sweeps him into a hug, awkwardly dodging his shoulder spikes.  
"You look very pretty in your costume," she teases him.  
Zuko smirks. "It's not a costume. They're traditional Fire Nation Royalty robes used to depict a very specific status that-"  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."  
Iroh chuckles and disappears into the building.  
"So what's so important that His Highness has decided to grace us commoners with his presence?"  
"I hate to admit it, but," he hesitates a bit, grimacing, "girl trouble."  
"Ah. The grumpiness is getting to you, I see."  
"Yes, and I don't know what to do! I feel like she hates me, and thinks I'm an unfit ruler."  
She opens her mouth to respond, but her name is called from inside. She holds up a slender finger.  
"Hold that thought. Yeah, Aang?"  
She hurries inside, leaving Zuko standing before the koi pond. He can't help but think of the North Pole, and all that had happened there.  
Katara had revealed to him her newfound power in her bending. He respected her for it.  
He respects her for lots of things.  
Zuko would have thought more on this, if his uncle had not called him inside for tea.


	3. Dining Alone

His guards accompany him silently back to his palace. The evening is both warm and calm, the sun freshly set. Zuko feels as though he has just taken a warm bath. There's something about that particular group of people that makes him feel refreshed and renewed. He can't help but recall the time he'd spent on the beach of Ember Island with his sister, Ty Lee, and his future wife. The thought drops from his mind instantly as repression kicks in.   
He steps inside, the palace dimly lit by the lanterns. His guards dismissed, he goes to the dining hall, desolate as usual. Perhaps once there was a need for such a large table, but certainly the need has not been present for a while.  
He approaches one of the servants standing by, immediately being offered a hot towel. He takes one and cleans his hands with it.   
"Thank you. Do you know where Mai is?"  
"Yes, she ate quite a while ago and returned to the royal bed chambers, Fire Lord Zuko."  
He frowns, but the servants are as much responsible for obeying Mai as they are to be honest with the Fire Lord. He sits at the head of the table, immediately served a bowl and some chopsticks.   
"Just the usual. Please," he requests.   
The servant bows. "An excellent choice, as always, Fire Lord Zuko."  
He is served his typical meal within minutes: six dumplings, rice, a pot of jasmine tea, and a frosted rice cake.   
If there's one thing the palace chefs have mastered, it's how to make dumplings.   
He eats, sipping at his tea between each bite, instantly recognizing his uncle's special brew. The palace buys only from the Jasmine Dragon, and Zuko will always recognize the tiny little bite of peppermint Iroh adds. When asked about it, he'd wink and say in that compassionate voice of his, "To keep them guessing."  
Once his dinner is finished, he bows to his servants and begins the tranquil walk to his bedroom. He concentrates, breathing deeply, until the fire in each of the lanterns is swaying with his every breath, casting a tickly heat onto Zuko's cheeks every time he wills them to. Upon reaching the grand doors to his bedroom, he inhales sharply, extinguishing the entire hallway in a single gust, exhaling nothing but steam. He opens his bedroom door, expecting Mai to be asleep, but to his surprise, she is reading from a scroll. She makes no eye contact when he enters.   
"Hey," he says cautiously.   
No reply.   
"I see you didn't wait for me."  
"I was hungry and you never tell me when you plan to be back. There's no reason for me to wait."  
Zuko relieves himself of his heavy robes and hangs them up, leaving him in nothing but Fire Nation undershorts.   
He slides into bed next to her, earning no reaction at all, and reaches into his bedside drawer for a dental tablet. He chews it and swallows it, not flinching at the overwhelming peppermint kick to the face, and turns to his fiancée.   
"So how was your day?" he asks her.   
She gives a little sigh and sets down her scroll. "Why do you care."  
"Because I'm curious how your day was," he inches forward a bit, nibbling her ear. She freezes, allowing him to go a step further and move down to her neck, leaving kisses as he follows her jawline. There's a beat of uneasiness as she pushes him away.   
"No, Zuko."  
He growls. "But we never seem to-"  
"I'm not in the mood."  
Rejected, Zuko uncoils against his pillows, turning to face the wall.   
His room is overwhelming red, all except for a hint of green from a fern he has sitting in the corner. Zuko has let that thing die so many times, and at this point, he thinks the servants keep a supply of identical ones in storage to replace it with.   
He's fuming. Mai never seems to be in the mood anymore. How else is the Fire Lord supposed to obtain this release? How are they supposed to initiate a happy marriage with this standing in their way?  
Zuko takes in a huge breath, extinguishing the lantern above the bed, plunging the two into darkness. Neither of them say goodnight.


	4. The Blue Queen

The following morning Zuko wakes up alone. He pulls on his pajama robes, not bothering to tie back his hair, and starts down the hallway, refreshed by the shimmering sunlight. Half of him wishes that he'll find Mai in the dining hall, yet he can admit that the other half wishes to dine alone again. It's peaceful that way. He no longer fights himself the way he used to.  
The elongated table appears before him, along with his line of servants, who all bow to him in unison. He bows in return.   
His eyes fall upon Mai, who sits at the head of the table, eating silently and not bothering to look up. Zuko sits beside her with a murmured greeting.   
"What would you like for breakfast this morning?" a servant asks, arms straight at his sides.   
He looks over at Mai's plate and grins. Fruit and breakfast cake, dusted with sugar. She's always had a sweet tooth.   
"I'll have what's she's having, and some noodles. Please."  
"Excellent choice, Fire Lord Zuko."  
The servants scurries away.   
"Why are you up so early?" Zuko asks.   
Mai trails her eyes across the wood to stare into him. He crushes himself back into his seat, cowering under her gaze.   
"That's a good question."  
"Did you sleep alright?"  
"Yes. Fine."  
Her eyes narrow.   
"Are you still mad at me?"  
"Why shouldn't I be, Zuko? Because of your inability to act for your country instead of for your group of freedom warriors, you have cost my father the career in politics that he has worked my whole life for."  
Zuko gapes. "It's not my fault he stepped down! I did what I thought would create peace, which is what the world has been begging for since Sozin started the war in the first place!"  
"It was not your place to wipe out the accomplishments of those who came before you."  
"It was not their place to accomplish those things at all!"   
"You know my parents won't even speak to me now? They play the 'parents of the Fire Lady' card but they don't care about me. They call me a traitor."  
"Oh, parental problems, huh? I'm not familiar with those at all."  
She pushes away her plate suddenly, spilling berries across the placemat, and floats away. As soon as she leaves, his food emerges from the kitchen in the hands of a servant. On his way in, the servant stumbles on the chair Mai left askew, sending Zuko's breakfast plate clattering to the table. He snorts.   
The servant falls to his knees, hands clasped together, as two others rush to clean up the mess.   
"Please, Fire Lord, forgive me. I am so sorry, I will send for more food, I-"  
Zuko stops the stammering with a wave of his hand.   
"It's alright, it's forgiven. I'm not very hungry anyway. I thank you for you service."  
Completely and utterly baffled, every servant in the room freezes where they are as they watch him leave. The fact that a mistake like this would have resulted in certain death or permanent damage with the previous Fire Lord saddens Zuko. The fact that Aang has rubbed off on him more than he would like to admit, however, amuses him as much as it humbles him.   
\----

Being the Fire Lord involves paperwork. Stacks of it. Zuko has written his name enough times in the past hour that his penmanship has slipped and the characters are difficult to identify as his signature. He's noticed this but doesn't care sufficiently to fix it.   
The door to his study opens, startling his once steady hand into making a black ink slash across the paper. He groans and tosses down his brush as the newcomer enters fully.   
"Sorry. Am I interrupting?"  
"Katara?"  
"No, it's Appa. Who do you think?"  
Zuko exhales his stress and stands to greet her.   
"To what do I owe the honor?"  
He bows to her.   
"Honor of what? Me coming here?"  
"Yeah, you don't normally show up unannounced in my study."  
"I wanted to talk to you about something."  
Katara looks sheepishly optimistic, staring into Zuko's face as she fiddles absentmindedly with the lapel of the blended fashion of both Water Tribe and Fire Nation designed robes.   
"Can I get you anything?" he asks her, and she politely declines.   
"Do you remember a year ago how you offered me a job as your secretary? And I got mad and made it look like you wet yourself?"  
Zuko chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes, I remember that. But, in my defense, I never meant for it to come off as me asking you to be my secretary. I need an advisor, and an assistant, that cares about the wellbeing of the people on a personal level. You know, instead of on a political level."  
Katara lifts a shapely eyebrow.   
"Why didn't you ask Aang?"  
"I did. Twice. He's too busy to remain in any one nation. And I assumed you were, too, so I didn't bother you again."  
"But I've been thinking. If I really want to help people, why did I give up the opportunity to help them from the capital of the most powerful nation in the world?"  
"Are you telling me, a year after I offered it to you and was bluntly rejected, that you want the job?"  
Katara nods stoutly, lowering her chin ever so noticeably in self-consciousness, but she forces back against it and rests both hands on her hips, her chest thrown out in some secret burst of confidence.   
"That's great. The job is yours."


	5. Grand Swordsman

When Katara returns to the palace the following day, her brother tags along. Zuko's relationship with Sokka used to be quite complicated, because neither of them quite knew where they stood with the other on the basis of formalities at the time. About two years ago, since Zuko had developed such immense respect for Sokka, he gave him any position he desired in the Fire Nation military. Of course this was unexpected, and for a split second Sokka was suspicious of Zuko's intentions as the new Fire Lord. His goal was never belligerence, only preservation, and once the two of them came to a peaceful, awkward understanding of one another, Sokka accepted the position of 'Grand Swordsman Wolf Warrior of Everything'.  
And that became his official position title, and still Zuko thinks it's a hell of a mouthful.   
Sokka is the reason why the poorly constructed militias formed to earn vengeance against the Fire Nation barely even scratch the borders. In short, he lived up to his title back then, and continues to do so.   
Today, however, there is no trace of any past awkwardness or tension. No formalities. Zuko doesn't even get a chance to bow before Sokka tackles him in what seems like a giddy ecstasy.   
"Sokka, what-"  
"I'm getting married!"  
Zuko smirks. "That's very flattering, but I'm already engaged."  
Katara snorts somewhere in the background. Sokka removes himself from on top of the Fire Lord and stands. "Very funny, Mister Fire Jerk."  
"I'm glad you think so," he smirks once more. "Did you finally propose?"  
Sokka's smile drops. "Oh, crap. Well, not yet. But I've finally made the decision to do so."  
"To that Kyoshi girl, right?"  
"Duh. Who else would I be marrying, Momo?"  
"At least Momo's not as far out of your league."  
Katara giggles some more, standing somewhere behind Zuko. He almost doesn't recognize this jocular part of himself, but when Sokka's in a good mood, it spreads like wildfire.   
"So, when she says yes, I want you-"  
"If she says yes," Zuko teases.   
The warrior fumes a bit, trying to hide the worry in his eyes. "Whatever. I want you to be the best man."  
"Maybe it would have been smarter to ask him after you get an answer from her," Katara joins in, just a note of derisiveness in her voice. Sokka's face noticeably sags.   
"Don't worry about it. I think she'll say yes. And I would like to be your best man."  
Zuko reaches out and sets a hand awkwardly on his shoulder. He's not sure how long to keep it there, so they just stand and stare at each other until Katara steps in and peels his fingers off of her brother.   
"Anyway," she begins. "I think that's all he wanted. You can go now."  
The siblings glare at each other.   
"Actually, there's one more thing."  
Katara crosses her arms, her eyes boring into him harshly. Somehow he does not react.   
"I was wondering if there was any way that you could remove Toph from the position of General."  
"Why would I? I've heard no complaints."  
"He has an issue with undermining people's power. Has something to do with his stupid inflated ego. You shouldn't have given him that excessive title," Katara retaliates against her brother.   
"We butt heads over everything," Sokka goes on, his voice aggravated. "Not only is it putting a strain on the friendship, but we aren't getting anything done. And that puts the country at risk."  
"She is doing just fine! If you're butting heads so much, why shouldn't you be removed, General Wolf Warrior Sword Guy?" Katara argues.   
"Can't you just put her somewhere else? Somewhere where she can't disrupt my procedures?"   
The pair waits for Zuko to respond to their arguments, both pairs of arms crossed over their chests.   
"That's a good idea, actually," the Fire Lord braces himself to be socked by Katara. When she doesn't react, he goes on. "This city has actually needed a new Chief of Police. Normally she'd have to climb through the ranks, but I'll just have her analyzed and given the position."  
"What about the old Chief of Police?" Katara asks.   
"Interim. Interim Chief of Police. Chief Jian steps down at the beginning of summer, but only if I find a replacement by then. I've been meaning to do interviews, but it keeps slipping my mind. It's just better to have someone I already trust put there."   
Katara and Sokka regard each other warily, then nod in their agreement. Zuko grins.   
"Anyway, I assume the reason you're here is for work."  
"Work? You told me there was a buffet," Sokka whines.   
"I said that to make you jealous. I didn't know you'd follow me here."  
"That reminds me. Would either of you like something to eat?"  
Sokka's eyes light up like a firebug, his fists clenching in anticipation.   
"I ate. But maybe you could try to toss some food into this bottomless pit here and see if it curbs the sarcasm," Katara grumbles.   
"The bottomless pit would like that very much," her brother gushed. Zuko turned to one of the servants waiting at the perimeter of the room, waving them nearer.   
"Please escort Grand Swordsman Sokka to the dining hall and cater to him."  
"Shall we use the royal chopsticks, Fire Lord Zuko?"  
He glances over at the bug-eyed warrior, squeamishly eyeing him as he fishes around in his ear. The Fire Lord shutters.  
"The regular ones will do."   
The servant bows and exits, leading Sokka away. Katara watches Zuko with a fondness in her eye before saying, "So when do I start?"


	6. Distractions

The Fire Lord is distracted.   
He and Mai haven't spoken in three days. If you ask him, he would be ashamed to admit that he doesn't miss her nearly as much as he knows he should. His fiancée, his partner and friend of many years, and he feels as though she were only a stranger in his bed.   
What he does miss, however, and what he often finds himself awake at night mourning over is the physical aspect of their relationship. She ruled over his body and was not afraid to claim dominance over him, just as he was not afraid to surrender it. He liked that about her; he could be fearlessly vulnerable, at least physically.   
But that hadn't happened since she had visited with her family and was harshly rejected.   
Zuko can't explain why she was so hysterical the night she returned. She had staggered into the bedroom around midnight, reeking of Fire whiskey and ranting about something Zuko couldn't understand. He had never known her to be one to harbor so much anger, or really be capable of any fiery, explosive emotion. When he was finally able to key in to her ranting she was spewing hatred, a personal hatred that must have run deeper than politics. A hatred for Zuko.   
"They ruined me," she had hissed to his face, spraying spit onto his scar. "They ruined me and you made it for nothing."   
He hadn't left her side that night. Maybe he should have. Maybe then there would have been something to salvage. Maybe if he had left her alone she would have at least been able to gather her thoughts. He can't help but think that if he had acted like a leader instead of a Koala Sheep, they'd at least still have a physical relationship if nothing else. The attraction is there. The need is there. The need is definitely there.   
"Zuko?"  
"Hm?"  
He blinks a few times until his eyes no longer burn. Katara is watching him carefully, a stack of paper clutched in her hands, which she sets gingerly on the desk.   
"I was just asking what the policy was for riot relief in the south."  
"Policy?"  
"Yeah, two farms have been burned down and a whole town has been living on scraps. What should we do?"  
"Whatever you think is best. I hired you for a reason."  
"But I don't know the kind of power I have to actually help."  
"Write an order and I'll sign it. Whatever you decide I can make happen."  
She sits back on her heel, resting her palms on her hips.   
"Well, don't you sound smug."  
"I guess. Sokka did call me a Fire Jerk yesterday."  
"Don't listen to him. He was being an ass."  
"I know. I'm not a Fire Jerk. I'm the king of Fire Jerks."  
Katara laughs, unrestrained. The sounds brings heat to Zuko's pale cheeks as instant joy rockets through his body.   
She sets a mindless hand on his shoulder as she catches her breath. The contact is unexpected, and so is the surprise that comes with it.   
The pair have been friends since they saved the world together. She had been the second (after Iroh) to see the good in him, and believe that he could be better than he was.   
"So what have you been daydreaming about this time?" she asks, removing her hand and sitting on the big oak desk he'd been working on. Her eyes show genuine concern, and yet, he is embarrassed. Not only could he not keep his relationship intact, he had also let his sex life go down the drain.   
There's no way she could know what that's like. The Avatar probably doesn't believe in copulation. It must block a chakra or something like that.   
For some reason, the thought of her conceiving an Airbending child bothers Zuko. Aang is his truest friend, and he had watched him grow from goofy kid to goofy teen to only slightly goofy adult. There's no reason Zuko should be discomforted by the idea of her being with her boyfriend in the same way he should be with his fiancée.   
"Nothing," Zuko answers firmly, always trying to convince himself far more than others that he is telling the truth. His mind is clouded with the fading smoke of his thoughts. He knows he is staring but he can't stop himself. He's enjoying the feeling of meandering through his own mind.   
His eyes travel to where her robes have fallen open, likely to have been caused by her slouching. She has skin a good deal darker than anyone he's ever met in the Fire Nation, and her eyes are the absolute brightest shade of blue he's ever seen. Brighter than the clearest ocean on a sunny day. Brighter than the sky at high noon.   
Her collarbone peeks from her clothing, not as defined against her dark skin as Mai's were against her pale skin. He likes the soft lines of the contours of her body. Her hair is a similar soft brown to the tone of her skin, her eyebrows and eyelashes not nearly as sharp and defined against her face as the features he had grown used to. Black hair, black eyebrows, and milky skin. He thinks for a moment that he had grown tired of such contrast.   
Katara shifts uncomfortably under his gaze. Zuko rubs his eye with his fist and sits back in his chair.   
"I'm sorry. I'm just distracted. Do as you see fit with the riots and I'll sign for it."  
She clears her throat and swipes up her papers again.   
"Thanks, Zuko."  
And then she's gone.


	7. Sokka's Problems

Zuko eats another meal by himself. He'd offered, borderline begged Katara to stay, but she told him Aang would be expecting her. So, here he is, alone and lost in his own thoughts once again. They aren't nearly as belligerent as they used to be, and not quite so self deprecating, but Zuko always worries that this streak of peace he's found is a mere phase in the grand scheme of his unhappy life. He doesn't let himself think about things that might cause a relapse in his good behavior. His sister and father will, at times, cross though his mind, and as well deserved their sentence was, the thought of them rotting away in jail made him cringe in guilt. When he finds himself thinking of this, and how horrible of a person he must be, he reminds himself of the crimes and murders they're responsible for, and the fact that within his three years of banishment, neither of them really tried to reach out to him. Him, a member of the royal family. A member of their family. What does that even mean anymore?  
He can't even bring himself to think about his mother. Presumed dead, they had told him. No body, no sightings, no reports.   
Zuko does his best to accept this, but even though he can't, not really, not ever, he feels it still jabbing away at his jaded, scarred heart. Maybe not so jaded that he is incapable of more redemption, and maybe not so jaded that he is cursed to remain this way forever. Maybe just enough so that he might resist the fading pain of his adolescence.   
"Fire Lord Zuko?"  
"Hm?"  
"The royal chopsticks, sir."  
Zuko looks at his hand. His wooden utensils have turned to ash in his palm.   
All Zuko says is, "Oh."  
The servant hesitates. "Would you like me to get the-"  
"Yes," Zuko groans, a little ashamed of his lack of control.   
The servant bows and scurries off, returning a moment later with the common chopsticks, made from clay. He takes them and finishes his meal with them, while also somehow humbled by them.

\-------

Sokka visits Zuko at the palace before he goes to bed. He is escorted into the study where the Fire Lord is studying a stack of crumpled papers delivered to him that morning. He's thankful for the warrior's presence and turns to greet him.   
"Hi," he says, bowing. Sokka bows back, awkwardly.   
"You don't have to bow, you know. I'm not royalty."  
"There's no reason for me not to bow," Zuko replies as earnestly as possible.   
"Right," Sokka scratches the back of his head. "Anyway. Um, I wanted to ask you something."  
"Is it about Toph's transfer? Because those types of things take more than just a few days."  
"I know, I know. It's not about that. It's about Suki."  
"Oh. Have you proposed?"  
"No. About that, though," he hesitates, hung up on words. "I know that I'm supposed to propose. I know that I'm supposed to present her with a gift that symbolizes our engagement. It's a promise of marriage, and marriage is a lifelong thing. What if I can't see myself committing like that? What if I don't think I'm that kind of person? Or what if I'm just not that kind of person?"  
"What makes you think you're not the type for commitment?" Zuko inquires, arching his eyebrow.   
"Because I-" He cuts off. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"  
"I have no reason to tell."  
"Good. Well, recently, even though it's been years, and all it really added up to was a sort of a fling, and I was young, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about," he hesitates, noticeably conflicted. "Yue."  
"The moon girl?"  
Sokka nods sadly.   
"That's rough, buddy."  
He shoots him a sidelong glance, laced with gloomy familiarity.   
"Yeah. It is."  
"Why are you suddenly thinking about Yue?"  
"Because when you marry, you completely give up the possibilities of being with anyone else. At least that's how it is in the Southern Water Tribe. I mean, if you...if Yue could turn into the moon, there's no reason she can't return someday and leap into my arms. Right? I was so young and so naive. I'd never gotten quite personal with her, and I was sure I'd marry her, and conceive with her, and die with her. And if she does miraculously, you know, return, how would I deal with that? Would I just have to tell her to leave me alone and watch someone I love walk away?"  
"This might be awful to hear, especially from me, but Yue is not coming back. She will never take her human form again. You saw what happened when the world was left without a moon. And that was only for a few minutes. She's right where she needs to be and that is not here."  
"You don't get it. You don't see what I see. She's in my dreams, I see her face in the darkness right before I fall asleep and right before I'm completely awake. It hurts me to know that when I wake up hard, it's because of someone I had a crush on as a kid and not because of the girl I'm planning on marrying."  
Zuko is suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. All that is on his mind for a full second is Mai, and then, when the image of her face disperses, Katara.   
"Zuko?"  
The Fire Lord slips back into reality. "Sokka, do you love Suki?"   
"Yes. I do love Suki. I absolutely love her."  
"Are you attracted to her?"  
He exhales purposefully through his nostrils. "Yes. I am."   
"Does the idea of being with her and only her for the rest of your life bother you so much that you're willing to risk everything to chase after a girl who doesn't technically exist anymore?"  
The pair fall silent at Zuko's question. They stare. There is tension. For a split second, he thinks Sokka might do something spontaneous, something like punch Zuko, or maybe kiss him. It seems that neither of them know quite what to do.   
Zuko uses the silence to question his own internal motives. Was he not putting forth enough effort to salvage his own relationship? Why did he even feel comfortable enough lecturing Sokka on a subject at which he can feel himself actively failing?   
He's starting to think his judgement is blurred by the lack of gratification he's been receiving from his relationship lately. He hates to think it'll be this way forever, loveless and sexless.   
"Dude, why are you staring at me like that?"  
He drops his gaze to his feet. First Katara, and now her brother. Zuko needs to patch things up with Mai, and soon. He can't start thinking this way about boys, especially Sokka.   
"Just make sure things are okay between the two of you before you propose. That includes the other person's family, and whether or not they'll try to turn her against you."  
Sokka frowns. "Is this about Mai?"  
"Does it matter?"  
"Yes, it matters. I'm coming to you for relationship advice, while you're having your own issues?"  
Zuko grits his teeth. He knew Sokka would be too smart to not see right through him. His hypocrisy is blatant, and Sokka senses it like a splinter.   
"I think you are in a much better position than I was when I proposed. There's no pressure on you to make someone a Fire Lady and expand the current royal family, especially now since all of the remaining members are either dead, imprisoned, or tea-obsessed. You can leave if you think it's not worth it. You can protect yourself with no shame attached. And what's better, you still have time to make sure that you have the right girl."  
"Oh, shit," Sokka whispers.   
Zuko cinches his jaw and jerks his head away. He almost can't believe his own lack of resolve, but why should he be surprised? He's never been the most centered person.   
"I am so sorry," the warrior says as sincerely as he's ever heard.   
"Don't let me be an example," Zuko tells him, failing to look him in the eye. "I'm a bad one. Marry Suki. She's good to you, from what I've heard. She's loyal."  
"Yeah. She is."  
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sokka bite his lip.   
"So you and Mai hit a dry spell, huh?"  
"It's been months," he grumbles, watching the stray hairs sway in his breath. He reaches up and removes his crown, then lets his hair cascade down over his face and neck.   
"What are you going to do about it?"  
"Nothing. What is there to be done?"  
"You know, the Fire Nation has an underground brothel. I hear it's only for the upper class, for those who have a reputation to protect. Nobody talks. You could go and relieve yourself of your burden, all without sacrificing your honor."  
"Adultery in and of itself is a sacrifice of one's honor."  
"It's not adultery. Your servants feed you, and make sure you're well maintained. It's the same thing, only the servants are female, and they-"  
"It's different," Zuko sighs.  
"It's a service. A place of business. And it might help you. It's just a suggestion."  
With that, Sokka leaves the room, leaving Zuko to wallow in his own guilt.


End file.
